Ah, the roulette wheel.  The endless spinning can almost put you in a daze.  The shiny mahogany wood that it may or may not actually be made of.  The tiny white ball that orbits and orbits, until it doesn’t.   

Each spin has no bearing the last or the next.  It is now time to place your bets.  The dealer flips that ball around and it races around the top at maximum speed.  Efficient or possibly frantic, you place all your chips on the table.  “No more bets, please” is announced.  The ball begins to lose speed.  It smacks into a deflector (they really need a cool name for these things – like daggers, spikes, or dreamcrushers). 

Bouncing and hopping, the ball finally comes to a rest in…wait before we say the number, let’s take a look at that bet you placed.  Dig in a little deeper.  No, I don’t want to discuss the odds of each bet. I’m also not trying to sell you the best roulette strategy.  Let’s discuss what each bet says about YOU as a roulette participant.  Warning, don’t be offended, these are simply facts that I made up after countless hours at the tables.

Bet: Red – You are optimistic yet like to play the odds.  You think you’re more fun than you truly are.

Bet: Black – What a rebel you are.  Keep on pushing.  Don’t let the naysayers naysay.

Bet: Green 0 & 00 – I’m almost as ashamed as your mother when I even look at you.

Bet: Even – Let’s be honest I keep forgetting this bet exists.  Stick to the colors.  But I bet you have a super clean car, don’t you?

Bet: Odd – We absolutely could be friends.  I see some real potential here.

Bet: 1^st Third – This is safe.  You love the comfort.  Smells like fresh waffles with warm syrup.  Do not be fooled.

Bet: 2^nd Third – Now we are starting to amp it up a little bit.  That little sly smile you have hiding over there won’t hide for long.  Go get em’. 

Bet: 3^rd Third – Honestly, I didn’t think you had it in you.    

Bet: 1 thru 18 – You are so close to actually being respectable.  Just need that little nudge, huh?

Bet: 19 thru 36 – See “Bet: Black”.

Bet: Your birthday # – Are you enjoying that Smirnoff Ice?

Bet: Your same favorite 10 #s – Unwavering.  Determined.  I shake your hand and wow is that a firm grip. 

Bet: Ask the dealer to pick a number – They always pick something ridiculous like 9.  Don’t fall for it.

Bet: Splitting all your numbers – Commitment is hard.  Stop playing it safe. 

Bet: Almost every single # every spin – Yes, if you go straight and take a left, you’ll see the ATM right on the corner.

Bet: The Streets – What a foolish thing to do.  But you knew what this meant, so, we absolutely just became buddies.

Bet: Anything on a triple zero table – I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

Bet: The 2 to 1 columns – I’m sorry you’re stuck on the far side of the table and can’t reach anything else.  No other reason to dabble here.

So how did you fare?  Kind of like taking the personality test freshman year of college.  Some surprises, sure, but deep down you know who you are.  I have good news; you can always make better choices. Find the perfect combination and you’ll have yourself the best roulette strategy known to man!  We control our own destiny.  Well, us and that little white devil ball.  And if you’re wondering where the ball landed in my fantasy land story above – it was 9.  Should have listened to the dealer.